I always try to get in pictures with my kids.  We are in a time in our lives where we spend the majority of our time together.  Just me and them.  I want them to remember this time with me at home – and I want to remember this time with them here with me as well.  This blog has been such a fun way for me to document our lives and little daily adventures that might not make it into the photo books.  I think if you’re only going to do two things as a mom, they should be get in more pictures with your kids, and start a blog.  That might be a little dramatic with the only two things.. feeding and nurturing are probably above pictures and blogs, but you get the idea.  Let’s just run with it.

Our day usually starts with morning snuggles in bed or on our living room sofa.  I love opening the windows up and letting the morning sun pour in.  And I mean POUR in.  This is my perfect way to start the day.

 The weather has been so nice and it has become a daily ritual to head to the carousel.  Remember that time when the girls (and myself) were traumatized by the carousel?

So happy things have turned around.

After our adventures, I stop by swig then take the loooooong way home.  If i’m really, really, super lucky, I might get a double nap time.
(and then I sit in silence in the car in my garage and drink in the delicious silence and cherry diet coke with lemon for as long as I can possibly stand it.)
This is my second favorite time of the day.

 My first favorite is when those little broads wake up and I can drink in their delicious scent and snuggle to my hearts content.

 Nothing gets my oxytocin surging like Stelly sucking those fingers, all snuggled up with her boo.  Mercy!

This life is good to us, even in the everyday regular things.  I know I’ll long for this stage of life when it’s gone.

What stage of life are you in?  Is it documented?

xo, C

(if you follow me on instagram, you know that I embrace the camera in our adventures as much as possible.  If you don’t follow me on instagram… let’s go ahead and change that. follow me! @cassmiller)

“Be careful what you say in front of your children, because they’ll end up saying those exact things.”  Of course, you know the obvious.. swear words, stupid, hate.. any sort of fighting words or potty talk.  Those are no-no’s in our house.

What I didn’t realize my children would be repeating of mine is phrases.  Those phrases I say all the time without realizing it.

Today as my girls were playing in their room, I would hear:

“There’s no whining in my office!  If you want to use your words, you can stay.” (not sure I say it quite like that.. but you get the general idea. )

“I’m feeling a little frustrated! I need to take a time out!” (Then Harlo comes out of her bedroom, closes the door and takes a few breaths before entering again.)

“Mom, this (imaginary) boy is pushing Stella.  That’s not being respectful!  He needs to take a breather.”

My words mixed in with theirs, but I know exactly where they’re getting it.

Sometimes I hear my girls use my words and I think “Oh I’m glad I talk nicely..” and other times I wince and think “I need to rephrase that.”

It’s good stuff though.  I am constantly telling my girls to talk nicer, use their words and speak kindly.  What I don’t always remember is to follow my own rules.  This is their little way of reminding me of the same things.  Each time Harlo says the bedtime prayer, she always says, “please bless us to be respectful and kindful and niceful…” the list goes on and on.  It’s probably my favorite part of life, her prayers.

Then there’s those times where you’re SUPER glad you talk nicely most of the time.. like when your kids are asked to fill in the blank for “My mom always says___”

These things seriously kill me!  Except for that awkward moment when Harlo tells her primary teacher that her mom’s job is “in Las Vegas”!  Ha!  No, I’m not a stripper, nor a cocktail waitress.  She gets that from dropping me off at the airport when I have to work.  So funny!

Also, bonus points for the whole “no comment” when asking how much I weigh.  ;)

There’s nothing quite like my girls reflecting on my parenting that makes me see it in new ways.  I’m so grateful for their little reminders that I really am their biggest example in life right now.  The way I talk and act and treat people will be the way they talk and act and treat people.  I need to be always working on myself and my actions.  I need to always be working on how I treat people and be conscious of the words that come out of my mouth.  It’s just another one of those eye openers, we think we bring these children into the world to teach them, but really they’re the ones who teach us.

Each day I’m grateful for the opportunity to be better than I was the day before.  What a gift that is.

I say every part of the weekend was my favorite part, but Stella’s blessing was seriously probably my favorite.  It was the most special moment.

Typically in the LDS faith, a baby is blessed shortly after birth.. like within a couple months.  An ordained Elder of the church performs the blessing.  Brady’s dad blessed Harlo at 3 months old, but when we had Stella we decided to wait it out.  I wanted Brady to bless her and since we weren’t active in the church at that time, we didn’t know whether we should bless her in the LDS faith, or dedicate her in the Christian faith.  We decided to wait until we felt good about a certain way.  We didn’t realize we’d be waiting 2 and a half years!  But honestly, it was the most perfect timing for our family and I couldn’t imagine having it another way.  It was the cherry atop our cake for the weekend.

We had originally planned on blessing her in our living room.  Typically blessings are done in church, but I loved the personal setting of our home and I thought it was a good opportunity to do it while our family and friends were in town for our temple sealing.  As the guests started piling in and we realized we weren’t all going to fit in our small front room.  We decided to head to the porch and it made it all the more spiritual, I think.  It was a beautiful day, the warm sun was shining with a perfect light breeze.  All we could hear was the leaves rustling and the slight sound of chirping birds.

The neatest part about her blessing is that I was able to hold her on my lap in the middle of the circle.  That was such a sweet experience for me.  Holding my baby as she was blessed by her Daddy, I can’t explain the love I felt in my heart in that moment.  It’s an experience I probably wont have again. (typically the men hold the baby in their arms without mama) Brady gave her the sweetest blessing.  It was his very first blessing, but you would never have known.  He thanked the Lord for bringing Stella into our lives, the little light she is.  He blessed her with a name and blessed her that throughout her life she will let her little light shine.  She sat so still, eyes squeezed shut through her whole blessings with the hands of the men in her life laid softly on her head.

I sure love this babe of mine.  She has been the perfect spirit to come into our family.  I feel grateful every single day I get to be her mom.  Her blessing day will be one that stays in my heart forever.

Brady and I went through first for our endowment session on the Friday night before our sealing.  All day, I just felt such a protection over me.  Life just seemed calm, any problems we had seemed to be put on pause for the day.  It seemed so surreal to have waited so long for this day and now it was finally here.

As we drove to the temple, I didn’t even feel really jittery.  I felt such a calm and assurance that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.  Like everything in my life leading up to this moment was meant to lead me here.  Walking through the temple doors is such an amazing feeling.  I just felt a peace wash over me and my head was completely clear and calm.  I had been worried that my mom would be late or that I wouldn’t know what to do or where to go, but I noticed right away a lady with the sweetest smile with my dress in hand.  She would be taking care of me for the evening and that she did.  I had been praying and fasting the week before for the people that would be helping us in the temple.  I was so worried about not being comfortable or not having a nice helper.  It sounds silly, but it’s something I really worried about.  My prayers were answered and I was given the sweetest, sweetest helper I could possibly have had.  She was perfect for me.

As we met with our group, I noticed my sister right away.  She was not going to be able to make it due to some pregnancy complications but at the last minute was able to come down and surprised me.  I immediately grabbed her and started to cry.  It was such a sweet surprise.  Later, my mom leaned over to me and said “I wonder if that’s what it will be like in Heaven.  When we meet up with our family who have passed on.” I loved that thought.  I picture that is exactly what it will be like. It was the perfect start to an unbelievable night.

That night I barely slept.  My mind was swirling.  I couldn’t quite process everything that had gone on that night but so looked forward to returning the next day – this time with the girls.  The next morning was just as peaceful as the day before.  The girls were fluttering around, anxious to finally be going to the Princess Castle.  Harlo especially had been asking for weeks, “is today the day? Are we going to the Princess Castle today?” I was so excited for them I could hardly stand it.

We got the last minute luncheon things put out, the decor up, the dresses and tights and everything together.  I’d like to say that it all went off without a hitch, but we had some wardrobe malfunctions that required an emergency run to the garment store, a panic about a lack of little white undies to go under little white dresses, and some little helping hands that turned my curling iron down to the lowest degree which spurred the world’s flattest hair for the day.  Other than a few hiccups though, the morning went fairly smoothly and we arrived almost on time.

I was nervous about the girls staying in the temple nursery for the adult part of the session.  They’re not too quick to warm up to new people/places, so I had added that to the list of things to worry/pray/fast over (okay, more like obsess over) in the weeks before.  To my sweet surprise, the girls scurried in like they owned the place and began rocking in chairs, playing in the kitchen and finding the nearest baby dolls.  Neither one even said goodbye to me.  Some might say I worried for nothing, I’d say my prayers were answered.  Halleluja!

This day at the temple was the most magical day.  Aside from the day of Stella’s birth, (also HERE) I’m sure I’ve never had such a spiritually fulfilling day in my entire life.  Since Brady and I hadn’t been married in the temple, we were sealed to each other first.  Just exactly like a wedding would be done in the temple.  We were surrounded by our closest family and friends as we looked into each other’s eyes and had our marriage blessed for eternity.  I know the love I have for Brady comes straight from the Lord.  I love him fiercely.  I’ve known, but in this moment I really knew that he was created just for me.  He is exactly who I am supposed to spend my life with.  The one my soul had been searching for all the years before.  As I looked into his eyes, I felt enough love in my heart to last for all eternity.

As we finished our ceremony, up the steps marched two little angels.  Their golden hair gleamed in the light, their brown eyes sparkled with splendor.  Their perfect olive skin was so wonderfully creamy against their white dresses.  I was sure, absolutely sure, I had never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life.  They ran over to me and I smooched their faces in the best kind of way.  I felt just like I had about them the day I gave birth.  The Spirit was the most palpable I had ever experienced.

My girls have been the best example to me in faith.  I have been amazed at how gracefully they have adjusted to the church.  They take it in with such grace, like it’s what they’ve known all their lives.  In times where I have felt lost, I have looked to them for guidance.  What I have taken months and months to learn and get used to, they seem to have already known.  This rang so true in the temple.  They were completely unfazed by their surroundings.  The people, the decor, the dresses.. They acted as if it was the most natural thing they had done.  I was mystified.  They came in and sat down without so much as a wiggle.  They were truly perfect little angels.

As my family was being sealed together, their little hands on ours, I felt so immensely blessed.  It was something I had longed my entire life for without even knowing it.  Anything in my soul that was uneasy was completely put to peace at this one moment.  I noticed Harlo staring at me.  When my eyes met her gaze, she whispered, “Mom, you look beautiful.” Before I could whisper back, “Thank you,” I had a stream of tears running down my cheeks and soaking into the top of my white dress.  I felt like I was the luckiest woman in the world and wondered honestly what I could have ever done to deserve all of this.  All I could hear after that was the sniffles of our guests.

I wish I could explain to you the peace and comfort I felt this day and every day since.  I feel complete in a way I never knew was possible.  I feel a new meaning to our family and I am so glad we got to experience this together.  My girls had the most magical day.  ”We’re real princesses, huh mom!” Harlo says.  And she’s right.  She is a real princess.  She is a daughter of the highest King.

Each day since, the girls have asked when they can go back to the temple.  They wont be able to until they are married or are old enough to receive their own endowments, but I hope they will put in the work to make it back there someday.  I got them both a CTR ring and told them that is how they can go back.  They can Choose The Right every day.  I testify to them and to you that this truly is the way to be happy.  By choosing the right each and every day, you will be happy.  Some times the choice isn’t as clear, but when we have a relationship with our Heavenly Father, we will know of the right choices.  Choosing the right changed my life.  I am happier now than I knew was possible.  I have been able to stay happy even through our trials and understand that there is a God who is bigger than our world.  He is bigger than our problems, and heartache and pain.  He is capable of miracles and will perform them in your every day life if you just allow it.  He will lead you to the very happiness your soul has been searching for.  I can promise you that.

We finished a day with a celebration at our house with our family and friends.  It was the perfect day.  Truly.  It was exactly what I wanted my wedding to be like.  I realized that without even planning it that way, we had our marriage blessed and our vows renewed just shy of our 5 year anniversary, just like we had talked about on our wedding night.  Except it was even better than we could have planned.

I am so grateful for this experience.  I am so grateful for the changes in my life that have taken place since we started living the Gospel.  I have seen a wonderful strengthening in my marriage and family.  I have felt even deeper the blessings of family and motherhood.  I have become closer with the Lord than I ever knew possible.  I have found what I never realized was missing.

 My lace white dress c/o Bohme
long peach and cream chiffon maxi skirt c/0  Bohme
 lace top c/o downeast
.…
Girl’s white dresses :: zulily
Girls light pink eyelet dresses :: gap

These gorgeous photos of my family were taken courtesy of Speak Now Photography
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We had our temple interviews to receive our recommends and were asked if we were anxious to go right away or if we could wait until stake conference for Brady to be sustained.  Since I had recently found out I was pregnant and was sicker than a dog, I quickly said we would be happy waiting.  I did not want to be pregnant and sick for our temple sealing.  I wanted to be able to enjoy the day and I was so looking forward to being pregnant for the occasion. We set a date in April, I would be 18 weeks along – hopefully feeling better and Brady would be ordained the month before.  We had entertained the idea of doing it in March before my sister in law would give birth, but for some reason the date didn’t sit right with me.  It made sense for every other reason in the world, but I just felt like it wasn’t our date.  Brady kept trying to talk me into it, and I kept pushing for April.  My reasons for why kept dwindling.

On the first weekend in March, Brady was ordained an elder.  We were blessed with the Priesthood in our family and I felt a significance to it that came unexpectedly.  Previously, I had just thought of this day as one more thing to cross off the list, a right of passage of sorts.  When I became emotional during Brady’s blessing, I realized it meant more than I had thought.  I saw a light in my husband that I had never seen before.  He was truly radiating.  We had the most beautiful day.  We told our family we were expecting our 3rd little one at the luncheon.  I felt like the blessings were being poured all over us.  That night I was so thankful for so many things.  I wondered how my husband having the Priesthood would affect my family.  I couldn’t understand it, but I knew it came into our life for a reason.

The very next week, my miscarriage started.  I received my first several blessings from Brady over the next couple weeks as my body went through the devastation of miscarriage.  The weekend in March we had almost booked our sealing was the exact day I would pass my pregnancy.  I was stunned as so many things had a perfect rhythm.  I hadn’t booked the date, because I would be losing my baby.  Brady had gained the Priesthood just in time for me to need it… the list went on and on.  The timing of everything going on in our lives was  perfectly in sync.

Those few weeks were incredibly tough to get through.  It was the deepest pain and heartache I had ever felt in my life.  I was so thankful for my faith though.  The old and the new.  I knew God was with me in my suffering, He felt my hurt and was graciously taking care of my broken heart.  I loved the quote “God doesn’t waste a hurt.”  He moved my soul in the most beautiful way.  He gave me a whole new perspective and outlook.  The things I had struggled with before were completely and peacefully answered.  Although it was painful and hard, it helped me move forward in my faith like I’m sure nothing else could.

It definitely didn’t come easy, though.  I had wrapped our temple sealing around my pregnancy.  I had looked so forward to experiencing it with that little one tucked close.  It was my picture of perfection.  For weeks, I couldn’t even think about the temple date.  I couldn’t think about the summer I had expected to be pregnant in, I couldn’t think about the month I was due, when the girls would be starting the new school year, I couldn’t think about the holidays that I expected to have a bouncing bundle of joy.  It was absolutely all I could do to make it through the day, thinking into the future had me wincing in pain.

The weeks went by at a snail’s pace, but finally we were in April.  I had to make the decision to carry on or put it off.  Even though it stung, carrying on seemed like the right thing to do.  We were warned that in the days leading up to our temple date, we would be tested and tried and boy, were we ever!  We stayed true to our faith, though, even when it seemed hopeless. In the months before, our family and friends had asked “are you ready?” or “are you excited?” and I felt like we were neither.  It’s hard to prepare for the temple because a lot of the lessons and blessings there are sacred and aren’t talked about outside the temple.  I felt more nervous than excited and wondered if it would change.  When I finally booked the date, I started to feel ready.  I started to feel excited.  I was finally feeling the peace I had been searching for.

From the beginning of this journey, my reasons for wanting to go through the temple had shifted.  I started out just wanting security for my family.  I felt I had been so blessed with the family I had and I wanted to place it in front of God.  In learning more about it, I had wanted to go to simply learn.  To have the blessings we were taught about and to have a peaceful place to worship and feel the spirit of the Lord.  As we inched closer, having gone through trials and tests in all forms, I wasn’t only going for myself and my wants anymore.  I was going for God.  He had never once failed me.  I knew this is what He wanted for me – for us, and I didn’t want to fail Him, either.  He had carried me in the times I felt I couldn’t take another step and I knew He would deliver me until the end.

In the LDS faith, we believe the temple is truly the house of the Lord.  We take preparation to enter very seriously.  We sacrifice worldly things to allow more blessings into our life.  We pray a lot, we repent, we work toward our inner happiness and peace.  To me, it was like a spiritual cleanse.  Stripping down to the bare minimum and allowing more spiritual growth than you know what to do with.  The goal being that when we enter, we are in our happiest, most whole state and that we can thoroughly enjoy the blessings of the temple. (keep in mind, this is just my experience of the temple – this is not church doctrine – if you are interested in going to the temple, you can see more information HERE)

This step was a bit overwhelming for me because I was learning about my new church and learning about temple marriages at the same time.  I would have questions on one side, but feel peaceful about the other and vise versa.  I was and am so fortunate to have a group of people I could ask all my questions to – completely free of judgement.  My favorite of my mentors being God.  I wrestled with Him a lot in these months.  I am a very rebellious soul and for me to conform comes with such resistance.  Being “mormon” was something I never ever thought I would be and I battled a lot with my own ego and personal experience.  I had to trust in a way I hadn’t before.  Through faith.

faith

There was no proof I could look up, there was no one person I could ask or inherit from.  I had to go at my own pace and do the work and it was hard sometimes.  Some days I would feel so frustrated, some days I would feel hurt or betrayed, some days I would feel overwhelming peace.  Those peaceful days were what kept me going.  On my 2nd outing as a “visiting teacher”, my sweet partner (whom I know was placed directly in my life for a specific purpose) said, “Satan can duplicate so many of our emotions.  He can duplicate fun, he can duplicate excitement, he can even duplicate love; but he cannot duplicate peace.”

I had been a Christian for years before.  A happy Christian and a good Christian, I thought.  I had a relationship with God and I felt like I knew  Him and His will for my life.  But in learning of a new religion, I had to blend the two together and sometimes that was confusing.  I knew that when I felt good about something, it was God’s Will.  What I had been completely skipping over though, was obedience.  I was following God as it was convenient for me – and I was happy doing it!  I was happy on MY terms though and not HIS.  As I learned the importance of obeying, I learned that when I followed His way, I was so much happier than I could have ever lead myself to.  This was one of many ah-ha! moments. (thank you, Oprah)

Because I am human and completely unperfect – a sinner, if you will – obedience is about the hardest thing for me to do.  I don’t want to obey! I want to rebel! I want to find my own way in this life and I absolutely do not want to do something just because someone told me.  It was the make-up for the lousiest of mormons and I wondered – seriously – if this was for me.  But God kept pushing forward.  When I wanted to stop, when I had my heels dug in the dirt, His Grace and Glory came nudging my backside again.

I didn’t have all the things a good LDS girl should have.  An upbringing in the church or a testimony in the gospel; but once I confirmed that this really was what God wanted in my life, I pushed forward.  I put all my faith and trust in the Lord to guide me and He did just that.

On another visiting teaching outing (I’m realizing I learn way more from these than I will probably ever “teach”) I was chatting with that same sweet partner of mine.  I was feeling insecure as a new member.  ”I just feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.  I am the farthest thing from the typical mormon girl.” I said, feeling defeated.  ”…And that’s a bad thing?” Tina replied.  I had never thought of it that way.  Tina is newly home from a senior mission as her husband was the mission president in Africa.  I thought she of all the people would be judging me – but she didn’t bat a lash.  ”The last thing this religion needs is another ‘typical mormon’,” she ranted, “You’re the best thing that’s happened to this ward in years!”  And although it was Tina who said it, I knew God was answering my prayers and taking care of me with this very statement.  I knew it’s what He had wanted to tell me.

So, onward I pushed as a completely different kind of mormon.  I have tattoos, a less than conservative style, and a PAST.  But I also have a good and loving heart, an appreciation for the human experience and an absolute devotion to womanhood and family.  And as I know, it’s not always those seemingly perfect members that are the example.  For me it was one of my best friends who probably thinks of herself as the opposite of the “perfect mormon”, but she was perfect for me in where I was in my life.  She was real and honest was doing the best she could.  She was able to touch my heart in a way no one had before.  I don’t have to be like the perfect ones, I thought.  But I hope I can be like her. 

We completed our temple preparation classes, we readied ourselves the best way we knew how, we set some dates.

Photo credit: Speak Now Photography

…………………………………………………………

When Brady and I were married, we had the hardest time finding someone to officiate our marriage.  Since we were not the same religion, we wanted a neutral party but I also wanted a very spiritually-centered ceremony.  We had a major case of bad luck that our top SIX choices were not available the weekend of our wedding.  We pretty much had to accept who was available as our wedding was rapidly approaching.  We appreciated the person who married us, but our ceremony just did not have the meaning behind it that I wanted.  As we drove away from our wedding reception that night, I mentioned it to Brady.  ”Something was missing,” I said and he agreed.  We both decided we’d have our marriage blessed, a vow renewal of sorts, on our 5th anniversary, which seemed forever away.

Over the next few years, I would give birth to two beautiful babies, move a couple of times, try out a slew of new churches in our area and have about a zillion fight-and-make-ups with the one I loved.  The years went by at a rapid pace, filled with so many adventures and more stories than this blog could ever hold.  I see so many ways God was working in our lives.  He was teaching us so much and was taking such good care of us.

On our 4th anniversary, Brady and I discussed the possibility of moving out of our comfy and cozy little home in the suburbs of St. George.  This was the first the conversation had really been brought up, but I felt the Lord urging us to change our life.  We had originally agreed not to move out of our rental until the possibility of buying a house was an option, but I had a nagging feeling we needed a change. Moving seemed like the first step.  We started driving around different places around town that we liked and praying that we would be lead to the right place.  After several weeks of keeping our eye out, we found a cozy little home downtown, straight out of the 60′s.  It was in our price range, had a pool in the backyard and had SO much character.  I walked through with a little apprehension, but thought I could see us here.  The backyard had a lot of room for playing and parties and I was pretty much sold.  We put in an application and decided we would see how things worked out.  We were getting excited, but reminded ourselves that if it was meant to be, it will be.  We met the landlord who seemed really excited about us.  The house needed work and we were happy to do it.  They had been looking for a young family just like us, they said.

A few days turned into over a week and we hadn’t heard about the house.  We were so sure we were going to get it, but when we called to check up on it, they told us they had decided to rent it out to the owner’s nephew instead.  We were pretty bummed to say the least.  It seemed like the perfect house for the new life we were hoping to start.  I couldn’t help but be disappointed, but tried diligently to practice faith and patience.  After a lot of praying, I felt strongly that the Lord had something else for us in  mind and that we should wait it out.  Luckily, we were very happy in our current home and I questioned moving at all.

That summer on a trip to California, I quickly read Heaven is Here, which I had been gifted for Mother’s Day.  I couldn’t put it down.  I had followed Nie Nie’s blog for years, but I found something in her book that I hadn’t before.  Her faith through her story was so beautiful and was her only comfort in the worst of her days.  I admired this so much and was so completely touched.  When I finished reading that book, this book fell into my lap.  It was a little heavier on the LDS gospel, but since I had just finished Nie Nie’s book, I knew a little more about it and wasn’t turned off by it’s nature.  In fact, I was down right intrigued.  Guide Me To Eternity is a story of a young mother of 6 children that loses her husband in an accident.  Through her faith she has some amazing experiences and realizes that her love reaches through the veil of heaven.  Again, I found the commonality that her faith was the only comfort to her in the worst days of her life.  I had such an appreciation for the LDS gospel that I had never known before.  I was so happy for these women I was reading about that they had it.

We returned home that weekend.  After sunday brunch with the family, as we were heading back home, we passed a house with a fresh new FOR RENT sign in the yard.  We had driven past this area a hundred times before, so I knew it was newly available.  We decided to call on it, even though we had come to the conclusion to stay put in our current house.  The landlord immediately picked up and told us he lived across the street and could show it to us right now.  We decided to take a quick look.  It was nicer than the house we had looked at before.  Much more my style.  It was on the exact same street as the other house, just a few blocks down.  I liked the location of this house even better.  I had loved this neighborhood since I was young.  When I walked into the house, I knew.  This was it.  Our house.  This was  the place my soul had been searching for.  The landlord said we were just the type of family they wanted in the house and if we wanted it, he would draw up some papers that day.  We signed the lease later that week.  The day we signed the papers, as we sat out on our new porch, we realized the mormon church that was strategically placed just beyond our backyard fence.  I couldn’t help but feel like God was smirking a bit with that one.

In the weeks before our moving date, as Brady and I were on a lovers getaway to California, my step-brother lost his wife.  She was a young mother of 5 children under 5, her youngest being 7 month old twins boys.  It was so unimaginably devastating.  I had never felt a loss like this one before.  For weeks, I wept as I rocked my sweet babies to sleep.  It just seemed so horrible to be able to survive such a tremendous loss.  I couldn’t stop thinking about Michael and what he must be feeling.  I painstakingly checked his blog and facebook each day for new updates.  He and Sharla had been sealed in the LDS temple and were active members.  In this unfathomable time, his only comfort was having an eternal marriage with the one he loved.  I had read about this all summer, and now I could see it so close I could almost taste it.  I was so grateful for Michael – just like the women in my books – that he had the knowledge and comfort he had to get him through.  If anything like this ever happened to me, I thought, I hope I would have this comfort. 

The next week, we moved in to our new home.  It was everything I had dreamed of.  A cozy little grandma house, oozing with charm.  A big backyard for my girls to run around in and neighbors smiling and waving as they walked by.  We had cookies delivered and help unloading the furniture.  The warmest welcome to a neighborhood I had ever experienced.  I thought this kind of place only existed in movies.  I was so overwhelmed with the welcoming.  I wanted to get to know the neighbors, to get involved with our new community.  When someone invited us to church, it just seemed right to say YES.  We headed to that very church in our backyard that first Sunday and haven’t been the same since.

photo credit: Speak Now Photography

  Our Journey to the Temple | Part II

I walked out to the kitchen to the smell of breakfast and my favorite flowers on the table.

I had the world’s best card, and Brady surprised me with the NUME Titan 3 curling wands which I was SO stoked about.  I used it once and so far, I’m in love.  They’re having a groupon deal today HERE if you want to pick one up for yourself.  Super good deal! 

After breakfast, we all got ready for church.  Church on Mother’s Day is always special, but it was especially fun for us this Sunday because Brady was talking in sacrament and Harlo’s primary was singing.  Brady did such a wonderful job.  He talked about raising righteous daughters and I couldn’t help but wish my girls would remember this talk through their lives.  His love for them – and for me – showed through in a way I hadn’t ever seen before.  It made me feel so eternally grateful that he’s mine.  My favorite part of his talk was this quote, “If God created anything better than womanhood, He kept it for Himself, because surely it’s not here on Earth.” This quote swirled through my head all day.  I’m so grateful to be a woman and to experience this life as a daughter, sister, woman, wife and mother.  This role is so fulfilling to me.

Harlo also did amazing on her first primary singing debut.  She knew the chorus well, and did her best through the rest of the verses.  I especially loved when the song said “Light my path” she sang, “Light my paff”.  I literally thought my heart would burst.

I left our church with a heart overflowing with love.

Our family cleared out before we could get our classic “Mother’s Day” pic.. we improvised with the self-timer on the iphone (camera+ app if you’re wondering) and propped it against my shoe for a tripod.  Not bad, eh?

After our church, I headed to my mom’s church because she was singing in Relief Society. I had only planned on popping in and out to hear her song, but when I got there I found out she was singing at the end of the lesson, so I ended up staying through the whole hour.  I was so glad I did.  It was such a wonderful message.  We talked about how we stay happy and cheerful through our day as women and mothers.  Some days it’s so hard to feel like that, isn’t it?  Some days I feel completely defeated.  Some days I lose my patience.  Some days I feel like I got nothing done.  These days are normal, it’s part of the human experience.  It’s how we deal with these days, or what we do to prevent these days that makes all the difference.  Some of the women had great suggestions, like having prayer time each morning and ask for help throughout the day.  Another woman keeps a picture of Christ by her door so that as she leaves for the day, she remembers who is with her.
This got me thinking about what I do to stay happy in my life and throughout my day.  As a mom with young children and a household to run, some days every last bit of my patience are drained.  Some days are wonderful and I lay my head down with the fullest of hearts.  I am a spiritual person and pray often and I feel like that has helped my life immensely.  What I find makes the most difference from the bad days to the good days though, is forgiving myself for my short comings.  At night, I like to sit down and write.  Writing helps me to reflect on my day – the good and the bad.  Some times I made mistakes in my day that I wish I could take away.  It’s so easy to beat myself up about it and hold onto those things, but I make a conscious effort each and every day to forgive myself of what mistakes I made, just as my Savior does.  Each day I have a brand new chance to right my wrongs and I’m so thankful for that.
To me, loving myself is the ultimate happiness.  Everyday I have to be okay with my decisions – not anyone else.  When I love myself I am capable of such a deeper love for others.  When I love myself, I am more capable of doing good things.  When I love myself, I am so much more aware of God’s love for me.  So each day I try to love myself just as I love my children and husband.  Love for myself doesn’t come nearly as easy as it does for them, but it is there if you can look deep enough.
All day long, my spiritual tank was full.  I was so glad I was guided to that lesson in the day I needed it most.  Bonus was that my mom’s song was beautiful.  Always a treat when I get to hear her sing.

After church, we went to the Miller’s family picnic.  The kids played around at the park while we ate yummy food.  I love so much that I married into the family I did.  They’re always eager to get together and my kids are surrounded by so. many. cousins.  It is magical!  This is a gift that is completely priceless to them.  They may never know how lucky they are, but I will.  I hope I can raise a family who loves like the Millers do.

We headed home for my favorite part of Mother’s Day – the guiltless lounging.  I know that  mother’s day is supposed to be all about mothers, but it always makes me think about my other half.  How without him, I wouldn’t be a mother.  He has given me the absolute best gift in the entire world.  I am so overwhelmed by that.  It’s so amazing that together, with the one you love, you can create life. I mean.. what a gift that is.  We believe it is truly what this life is about.

On a lighter note – this lipstick was my mother’s day gift to myself.  I just finished watching Kim and Kourtney take Miami (a little late to the party) and I fell in love with this look on Khloe:

I had to find something similar and I love this one I got. I’m obsessed with the color, but mostly I just love this lipstick.  It’s the Maybeline color whisper line, color is berry ready.  They’re $5 at target and pack a punch!  So much pigment and lasts for days.  I literally didn’t have to reapply all day.  I’ll be purchasing every one!

So all in all, it was the perfect day.  Aside from the fiasco that was bedtime, but I guess that’s what Motherhood is all about.  It comes with ups and downs.

I hope your day was wonderful!

xo, C

It was perfectly inconvenient and completely unplanned.  That little purple line sent my world spinning like nothing I had experienced before.

My life as I knew it ended.  It was the best day of my entire life.

To my sweet little Harlo,

The day I found out about your arrival to this great big world was the biggest surprise I’ve ever experienced – and I think I will ever experience in my entire life.  It was such a shocking and happy day for me and my days have gotten better each and every day since then.  I enjoyed so much carrying you in my belly and bringing you into this world.  I enjoy so much watching you grow and learn and play and discover who you are.  I know that you came straight from Heaven, my precious little one.  You remind me each day that there is something bigger than me in this world.  You teach me about love and faith and acceptance in a way I could have never learned before.  You remind me that there IS good in this world.  So much good.  You help me to be kind and gentle and patient with myself and with others.  You have made me a woman I am proud of, sis.  That is such a wonderful thing. I will never be able to repay you for the impact you’ve made on my life.  I will try.  Every day I will try, but I will never be able to impact you the way you’ve impacted me.  You’ll know one day, my darling girl.  When you find out that a baby of your own is on the way.  You will have your time in this adventure but for now, I’m so thankful you’re allowing me to have mine with you.

You are my living and breathing proof that there is a God who knows us so much better than we know ourselves.  He will reach us in our time of trial and give us exactly what we need to pull through.  He loves us, Harlo.  I want you to know that above anything else.  He loves us more than we can comprehend, and I know that because he gave me you.

You are the best thing that ever happened to me.  Thank you from the very bottom of my heart, for making me a mama.

xoxo

I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend celebrating the mothers in your life (and being celebrated if you are a mother!) In true Cass Miller fashion, I hate to put too much pressure on ONE DAY, so I declare this Mother’s Weekend here at the Miller Manor. I invite you to join along, and if things go well, who knows? It may be Mother’s Week over here.

Smooches!

xo, C

braided crown: coming soon! | favorite lipstick at the moment: maybeline disco pink | outfit via

I think this will be my summer uniform. (or “unicorn” as Harlo would say)

smooches!

xo, C